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"My Gremlin and Me"
An article about Jeanna Gabellini and
Masterpeace Coaching
Written by Kay Chabot Nash
Published in Diablo Magazine, October 1999
Writers write best from personal experience.
So, for this article, Jeanna Gabellini, a personal coach who works
from her home in Martinez, volunteered to take me through an abbreviated
coaching session. The toughest part for me was to decide on some
issue in my life that I needed to address. Gabellini wanted it to
be something that I was willing to be open and honest about. I wanted
it to be something I could share with thousands of readers without
being totally embarrassed.
We decided to meet face-to-face to begin with. Gabellini is attractive
and lively. Her personal magnetism hits you when she opens the door
to her home office. We immediately got down to business, starting
with her describing her methods and guidelines. First on the list
is her assurance that all conversations are confidential. She also
wanted me to know that, first and foremost, the client designs the
relationship. "You can have it your way," she advised.
Then there was a discussion about gremlin--"that little committee
in your head" that masterminds your negative self-chatter. She uses
this description to help you stay objective about examining your
actions and thoughts. "At any point, you can step back and say,
'Okay, so that's what my gremlin does,' " she said." The gremlin's
job is to maintain the status quo," Gabellini said. "The gremlin
is a complete liar and any time you step outside and take a risk,
he's going to be on you, going, 'No, no, no, it's really safer right
here.' "Some people have different gremlins for different areas
of their lives, some constantly argue with their gremlins, and some
even try to send them on vacation to get rid of them.
This kind of creative visualization seems to be key to the coaching
experience. Another tool Gabellini uses is the Inventory/Wheel of
Life, a circle broken up into eight wedges. Each represents a different
area of your life, like physical environment, career, money, health,
friends, and family. I was asked to draw an arc in each wedge, this
representing my degree of satisfaction with the specific area, with
zero being at the center of the wheel, and ten at the outer edge.
The new perimeter represented my own Wheel of Life, showing how
much or little my life is in balance. Mine was so misshapen, I'd
never have taken it on the road -- and Gabellini says this is fairly
typical. Some of her questions provoked a wave of soul-searching.
My least favorite was, "What is the truth about yourself that you
haven't been willing to talk about? "My most favorite: "What are
you passionate about?" and "Are there any areas of your life where
you feel stuck?" She produced a wand and asked, "If you could wave
this and get three wishes, what would you ask for if you knew there
were no obstacles of time, money, or knowledge?" That began a visualization
to ascertain my short- and long-term goals. The personal issue I
wanted to examine was building my freelance writing business to
the point where I could quit my part-time job and work at home.
She asked me to start on a game plan. I was to imagine the steps
and the time framework I would set to make my goal a reality. She
told me to think about what I wanted with trust and with no fears
and no 'shoulds.' She also asked me to set an absolute date, one
I knew I could stick with, for the conversion from office to home-based
writing. I had to produce the date then and there, which I found
quite scary.
Then I got homework. First, I was to think of one relatively simple
step I could take toward my goal in the next week, and then do it.
I had been examining a South Bay parenting publication trying to
expand into the San Ramon Valley. I could take a shot at having
them hire me to provide lists of coming events and special activities
for children in this area. Gabellini challenged me to make the phone
call to the editor that would get me working on this goal. The next
challenge she issued had to do with balance. She asked if I made
any special time for myself during the week. I design my work schedule
so that I have Fridays free, but it never seems to work out. She
said I should set up a half day appointment with myself and keep
it as if it were an appointment with a business client. If I didn't
manage to do it on Friday morning, I was to reschedule it and make
it a priority. My new mantra was to be: "I need it, and I deserve
it." The third assignment was to create a loose time line for the
conversion to home-based freelancer, based on the date I had come
up with earlier. I left her office with the assignments in hand,
and an appointment to call her the following Monday at 6 p.m. to
discuss my progress.
Then I fell into an unusually challenging week, with a family crisis,
crazy work deadlines, and some last-minute travel. These situations,
and the gremlins they produced, had a big effect on my resolution.
In the next phone session, Gabellini listened to my tale of an out-of-control
week with kindness and patience. But she didn't let up on me. She
asked if I had kept the appointment with myself for some free time.
I thought it was obvious that I couldn't do that part of the homework.
But her response rang true: There will always be things that interfere
and stuff to be done, but that time is the most important thing
I could do to keep my sanity and keep my creativity flowing.
She told me I needed to "find a way to be in the craziness and still
be grounded." If I could find a way to handle all the roller-coaster
events by not resisting them but rather enjoying the ride, I would
start a process that would already be built in when the next series
of crises struck. Gabellini suggested a structure that could help
in this process. I was to work at saying no to at least two things
each day that normally I would say yes to, out of a sense of obligation.
I would put check marks in my Day timer each time I did this, so
I could look back and see how I had done. That ended our sample
experience. While I had not followed through on the assignments,
I felt better after the session and subsequently applied some of
the tools. They made me feel more at ease and in control of what
was happening in my life.
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